As much as the world of marketing can be a safe and happy place filled with game changing products, dancing ponies and devilishly good copy, there are a few shady characters that let the side down.
In the spirit of All Hallows’ Eve, we’ve rounded up 8 of marketing’s biggest behemoths:
The Glory Ghoul lives for recognition and needs everyone to know how much of a superstar they are. If a campaign is going well, you can bet your bottom dollar it’s thanks to the ghoul. Obsessed with buzzwords, they probably even hashtag email subject lines and although they frequently lord their success over co-workers, they’re suspiciously absent when things go wrong.
This sneaky thief can be found pilfering content, pinching campaign ideas and mirroring products to the point where pure breed marketers let out a loud, exasperated yelp. Haul your marketing wizardry into the vault and set the alarm systems in place, The Beady-Eyed Boogeyman is on the loose again.
This tearfully boring marketer doesn’t care for new-fangled big content; they’re far too busy handing out leaflets and sending push marketing emails. Native advertising? Mobile migration? Sounds like balderdash to The Zzz-ombie.
The Terrifying Taxidermist has a penchant for stuffing websites to the brim with keywords. Their other hobbies include blog comment spamming and IP-spoofing. These deeds may not sound particularly sinister...Until your website gets hit with a nasty penalty and you find yourself 6 feet under that is. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
The Slimy Salamander makes up the small percentage of marketers who give the rest of us a bad name. They make overblown promises they can’t deliver, rely on emotional manipulation to get ahead, flood clients with false information and generally leave a path of greasy destruction wherever they slither.
“Transmedia storytelling” anyone? How about “citysumers”? You might be content with using plain old normal language, but The Jargon Jabberwocky would prefer to confuse you with cryptic gobbledygook. Spotting this creature is easy, just listen out for the word “clickbait” and run for the hills.
When it comes to budgeting, The Wasteful Witch has other ideas. Pumping money into everything from corporate keyrings to ill-thought-out campaigns, this serial squanderer burns through money faster than Kerry Katona. You’ll be more likely to see pigs fly than get a return on your investment. Be afraid, be very afraid.
Always on tenterhooks, you’re most likely to find this monster huddled in the corner squeezing a stress ball. The Worrisome Wookiee has frequent night terrors over dips in web traffic and launch days fill them with dread. All of this wouldn’t be so bad if they internalised it, but instead they insist on telling everyone within close range how anxious they are. Avoid stagnant marketing; keep The Worrisome Wookiee at arm’s length.
By Rosella Pollar, SEO Copywriter at Liberty Marketing. All images are credited to Georgina Peach.
PrivSec Conferences will bring together leading speakers and experts from privacy and security to deliver compelling content via solo presentations, panel discussions, debates, roundtables and workshops.
For more information on upcoming events, visit the website.
comments powered by Disqus